AUTISM: IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 1:30PM Autism: it’s not the end of the world, just the beginning of a new one. ~ Anonymous.
That quote stood out the moment I read it years ago and even after a day like yesterday I’m still a firm believer that it’s not the end of the world. My son is seven years old, diagnosed with autism in 2004 and yesterday was probably his worst day up to this point, not to say that there haven’t been challenging days in the past seven years, or that there won’t be tough ones in the future, but yesterday was by far the hardest. Yesterday afternoon left me drained and feeling heartbroken because I just don’t know how to help him sometimes. It’s like there’s a part of his brain that is behind. He’s acting in ways that he should’ve acted when he was three. Only he’s not three, he’s seven. And twice the size of a three year old. And while he’s extremely brilliant with some things (like the calendar, math & memory) he struggles with what we consider simple things. But if you knew him when he was a toddler (and you know him now) then you would agree that he has made tremendous progress over the years and will continue to do so. I can’t say enough how important early intervention is for children with autism. Please understand that my goal isn’t to change him or even “cure” him, I love him just the way he is, my goal is to help him navigate through this world that is so different from his. To encourage him and allow him to be himself. To chase his dreams, whatever they may be.
Having said all that, I just want to say that I love my son more than life itself. God gave him to me for a reason and gave him autism for a reason. And I wouldn’t change any of it for anything. Even though I know God won’t give me more than I can handle, I just wish he wouldn’t trust me so much sometimes. Mother Teresa once said that and I often feel the same way. As a single mom I put a lot of pressure on myself. Pressure because I am my son’s sole earthly provider, (God is his ultimate provider) and I find myself working extra hard because I don’t know what the future holds. I am his playmate since he has no siblings, no cousins (I’m an only child) and no neighborhood friends to play with. I am his only parent, and even though my parents are incredible, (after all they’re helping me raise him) they really should be enjoying the “grandparent years”. However, I couldn’t do it without them and I am truly blessed that they are alive, healthy and so willing to help. I know God is using us somehow, to share our story, to be a testimony to the world and I have faith that He will provide. Yesterday just reminded me that the journey is not going to be easy. But whoever said life was easy, right?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am forever grateful to all my family and friends who are constantly giving of support and encouragement. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Xo, Camille
Reader Comments (8)
Camille, your spirit is beautiful - and your SON is beautiful! I'll be praying for you - for endless joy and clarity. You deserve it.
Hi Camille! I just visited your blog for the first time. You have a beautiful little boy. As a teacher, I have encountered several autistic children in my classroom. Also, my niece, Hailey, was recently diagnosed with autism. Now that I'm a parent, I have a lot of admiration for parents of autistic children. Your devotion and strength abosolutely inspire me. I'll be praying for wisdom for you as your navigate this parenting journey!
Hey Camille - Just read your blog. Sorry you had such a trying day. Please know that you're not alone in this. I'm here for you whenever you need me. We have our challenges w/ Kyle as well and sometimes I break out my white surrender flag too. Let's have lunch coon. Love you!
What a lucky guy to have you!!!
Camille,
OK, if you only had any idea how I am WITH you in this, you would smile. Smiling is so hard to do sometimes when you are the mother of an autistic child and no matter what ANYONE says........they can't possibly begin to understand our fight. The fight to get our children to do the most basic of interactions that come so easy to their peers is tiring and gut wrenching and heartbreaking.......and it sucks. Plain and simple. As I sat in my son's IEP this morning with a SLEW of "professionals", I was disgusted at the lack of aide, the lack of understanding, and the lack of compassion that the school district's can really have. He just doesn't fit in. Anywhere. As a mother, to have to sit in a room and beg or be demanding and confrontational just to have what your child is legally entitled to is EXHAUSTING. Just know that you have a friend from now on........who understands so much, and on every level what you are doing and going through. I have had these days you are talking about and know just how bad they hurt. Just don't give up hope. I ride on the wings of it 24/7!!!
Evelyn
Cami, I love you, sweetie, and your adorable Drew!! I don't know what you're going through, but I am praying for you and your little man. You are such a strong, beautiful woman who deserves only happiness! I hope today was better, sugar. Know that I'm thinking about you and loving you!
Your other Momma
Cami,
I'm wiping away lots of tears after just reading your post. I love you and Drew so much. I wish I lived closer and I could come over and give you a big hug right now. I'm so sorry you had such a tough day. I know each day has to bring so many challenges yet so many rewards, too. I know that you are the PERFECT mom for Drew. You're an amazing woman and he is so blessed to have you. He's such a precious little angel. You and Drew are loved very much and I'll always be here for you two. Keep your chin up, bestie.
For my precious Drew....
"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you."
Dr. Seuss
I love you so much!
Meredith
Camille,
What an amazing treasure you have with Drew! I have a picture of him and my little class last year on my desk and each time I see it I miss them soooo much! I am forever grateful to you for sharing Drew with me for a year. He taught me things about myself and autism that I would have never learned. He is a truly a gift from God and I will forever cherish year that I got to teach him! His mind is amazing and your patience and love for him is inspiring. Please let me know if there is ever a time you need a break or even someone to talk to. I would LOVE to catch up with my little buddy!
~Brittany Spence